Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
