where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
