I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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