I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
