Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
