you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
