I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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