is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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