i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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