3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
