No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I touched a dick in church today
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
