I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
