I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there was a trapeze. enough said
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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