I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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