Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
