You just made me feel so damn special
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
