you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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