dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize