turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
