i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
