Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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