with your own penis?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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