also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
