He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
