I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
