she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she told me i tasted like america
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
