Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
