If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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