Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There r osticjed everywhere
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
