I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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