she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Houston, we have a squirter
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
