That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
