its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
