she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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