Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
