Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I could fuck to npr.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
