Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
