she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
