It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pants are for mortals
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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