On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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