So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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