She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
there is glitter all over my balls
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
