even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
