I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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