That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
