Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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