the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
