you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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