Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
