all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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