If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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