Your face is a jimmy john
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
