Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
