I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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