did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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