there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
