I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
