she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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