Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
