I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
