evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
