I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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