You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
