i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
