Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
