Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
