I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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