hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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