she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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