she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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