Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
