Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
