After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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