YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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