Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want nice things and good sex
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
