If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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