She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
