Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
