He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
