how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize