is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
