At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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